Thursday, January 31, 2013

We've Lost that Lovin' Feeling

Ok so with 3 kids already & #4 on the way, hubby and I have sort of "lost" ourselves with raising a family. Not that we aren't ourselves or that we don't function well as a couple, but just that we lost the strong "WE" connection we had "before children". I hope that makes sense.

"Before children" we went on a weekly date night. Thursdays were "our" night. We'd go to dinner and a movie usually but sometimes we'd go to a sporting event or just wander around town and do some shopping. Anything to get us out of the house and just be with each other and talk. It was so nice.

Since our son was born (2010 - so nearly 3 years ago) there have been a few times we've said we'll go out to dinner or a movie or do SOMETHING (meaning ANYTHING) alone... yet something always comes up or the sitter cancels and we just sit home as usual or take the kids out with us to dinner... good times right? (We've literally had maybe TWO "date nights" in 3 years)!

Well, I am DETERMINED that we are going to get back "US" again. Someday, someway, somehow... thankfully hubby agrees...

I recently re-read the book "The Five Love Languages" - if you haven't read it yet, get a copy. If you're already read it - are you following what it told you? If not, read it AGAIN!

My main love language is Physical Touch (followed closely by Acts of Service) - meaning I like hubby being physically close to me & him doing nice things for me (because he WANTS to, not because I nag or ask him to).

Hubby's love language is Quality Time (followed by Acts of Service - go figure! LOL).

We are both great at the Physical Touch part (hey we are about to have 3 kids under 3 - I kinda can't deny that fact). We're also good with the Acts of Service - he does laundry if he sees it needs to get done. Vacuums up messes without being asked etc. I organize things around the house, make meals and snacks, make sure he & the kids have everything they need before they know they need it.

The thing we're missing out on is the Quality Time aspect for hubby. I'm also a quality time - person believe it or not - it came in 3rd of the 5 languages for me. I'm surprised it didn't score higher, but the results are what they are. Hubby is more about quality time than I am I guess, but TECHNICALLY the physical touch thing *could* qualify as Quality Time also.

When hubby is rubbing my calves or neck/shoulders at night before bed, that is also our time to talk. But we're not getting true "alone" time because the kids are there (asleep in bed, but there none-the-less). It "sort of" counts.

That being said though, it's OBVIOUSLY not filling hubby's "love tank" enough. He's been super stressed with some things at work and with the new baby coming and with the upcoming PCS (I can keep going here - the man is seriously stressed out)! I need to do more to fill his "love tank" with Quality Time so he can manage his stress better because when HE is stressed, it stresses ME out!

I hate it when he's stressed. I stress FOR him sometimes. Not that it helps either of us because when we're both stressed, we lose sight of what's important and tend to have "discussions" over the dumbest things (we don't like to call them arguments/fights & honestly we rarely ever do actually argue).

When we get to Germany it will be a little harder to get time for ourselves until we meet some people and find a reliable sitter there, but if we can get more "us" time before we leave, we'll make it work for a while til we're able to have "date nights" again in Germany.

So this is my pledge, in writing, online, for the WORLD to see... I promise to give hubby more Quality Time - WITHOUT the children... OUTSIDE the house... even if only an HOUR a week... and even if we don't spend a dime (we're on a tight budget)... We need DESERVE time to ourselves! We WILL get back "that lovin' feeling"!

What is your favorite Quality Time thing to do with your spouse? (It doesn't have to cost anything - just looking for ideas)!

Later Taters!

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